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The Unbearable Brightness of Jonah.
Monday I had a parent/teacher conference (annual thing). Tuesday, I met with an Educational Consultant from Vanderbilt who had come to evaluate all the kids in the classrooms at his school.
What I heard was overwhelming praise for Jonah's cognitive abilities. He knows things that most four-year-olds don't know and has an enormous vocabulary. He's able to come to conclusions that most kids his age aren't able to. They used the word "gifted" several times.
As an example, to get the kids to sort of stop what they're doing and be still to hear the next direction, his teacher will often ask the kids "what's over your head right now?" Most of the kids look up confused as if there's something directly above their heads that they're not noticing. Jonah apparently always shouts out "a roof!" He's the only one.
An example from home: Sunday he was sitting eating lunch holding his left hand out like he had a smart phone in it then he would pretend to touch the imaginary screen with his right index finger. He started talking about his imaginary friend, Max (who has recently moved to South America) and how apparently they're building a Star Wars museum in South America where Max lives. I said something about how maybe we could go visit him some time and visit the Star Wars museum. He said, "it's only for imagination friends, not real people." He went on to say, while looking it up on his imaginary smart phone, that it was supposed to open on Friday, but they're going to have to close it because a storm was coming. Then he went on to ask how many miles it was to South America and how long it took to get there and what method of transportation someone might use to get there. To wihch I answered, "I don't know, a long time and most people fly." His teachers informed me that most kids wouldn't know that South America is a place (whether they've seen UP or not) or that you can go there and particularly wouldn't pay enough mind to ask specific questions about how far away it is and how long it might take to get there.
They're incredibly impressed with how bright he is and not only his knowledge base, but his methods of expanding that knowledge by asking increasingly detailed questions about the things that interest him. The child's inquisitiveness knows no bounds, really and I try to indulge it as much as possible; I try to find him answers to all his questions and make sure he understands those answers. I'm just as curious about things as he is in a lot of cases and often I want to know how something works or more about things I don't know when he asks. So we have fun looking things up together.
Sometimes the only way to explain it is to show him something in a book or on the computer. Like Monday as we were walking in the house from the conference, he said he heard an owl. I listened for a minute and heard that no, it was a mourning dove, not an owl. Of course he asked what a mourning dove was ("a bird) and what it looks like. So we walked straight in the house and I pulled one of the bird books off the shelf and found it for him to show him what it looked like. This of course spurred other questions about other birds he saw on the color plate next to the dove. That's pretty much how it goes with us. We continue on like that until he's exhausted his curiosity for the moment and then he moves onto something else.
I'm so glad I'm home with him. I would never be able to do this if I worked. His little mind is just a sponge! So long as he's in charge of the learning (i.e. he's satisfying a curiosity rather than me sitting him down and trying to teach him something), he really latches onto the information and even spits it back out later on. His retention and memory just astound me. He remembers small details about things he did as far back as two years ago. He was talking about his first birthday party yesterday and how there were lots of people there, "like pops" (which is where we had the party, at my dad's house). Or a couple of weeks ago he mentioned going to Philip's Toy Mart with his grandmother and her friend "that one time", which was a couple of years ago, at least.
So, this is why Things Jonah Says are so typically funny and sometimes outlandish. But they've become so drawn out into complex conversations, I'm not able to post much of them to Twitter anymore (for those of you who used to see them there and at Facebook). One of these days, I'll post a comprehensive list here to keep for posterity.
However, his gross motor skills (running, jumping, throwing, etc.) and social abilities (looking people in the eye, asking to play with other kids instead of just running up and throwing himself into their established play, respecting personal space) are behind for his age group. He has a very short attention span (even for a four-year-old) and a tendency towards hyperactivity. Now, the Educational Consultant assured me and gave me a long anti-alarmist spiel about how they don't even evaluate or diagnose ADD or ADHD at his age and they certainly don't medicate for it until well into kindergarten when it's proven that it affects their learning. But he did score very high in the category for behavioral tendencies that are the same as kids who are ADHD. She assured me that if we work with him now to sort of curb his impulsive nature and sort of rewire him that it's very likely it will not turn into ADD/ADHD and that he will likely never have to be medicated for it. I look at it sort of as someone who is hyperglycemic and their diet is altered to keep them from becoming diabetic. If we can work now to curb these behaviors and teach him to be less impulsive, then he can excell in these areas in which he currently has fallen behind.
Examples on this: if there's a group of kids playing, he might just run up in their little group and start grabbing toys and sort of force his way into their play. He climbs all over people (not in an aggressive way, but still, it is usually unpleasant) and has trouble keeping his hands to himself. His potty training issues stem from his inattentiveness; he gets too engrossed in play and has an accident. He trips over himself when he's running, falls a lot and is generally clumsy and awkward. Again, this is in comparison with his peers; no one expects a four-year-old to have perfect balance and be an expert gymnast or anything (except maybe Lugash on The Simspons). And anyone who has observed him for any length of time knows how generally high strung and loud he can be.
I find it a little ironic that two yeas ago, the parent/teacher conference went exactly the opposite: that he was well advanced in gross motor skills and such but behind in his speech and vocabulary and they were wanting to talk about speech therapists and such.
Even still, the meetings were both very positive. The only reason they're the least bit concerned about the hyperactivity and impulsivity is because they're worried that if it goes unchecked, it may begin to affect him adversely as he gets older and particularly as he starts kindergarten. They expect much more of kindergarteners in terms of behavior: being able to sit still, taking direction, keeping their hands to themselves, etc. These are all things he's currently struggling with, so it's all part of preparing him for "big boy school" as he calls it.
His teachers actually said that if we were okay with it, they'd like to recommend that he sort of skips a year and goes directly to the Pre-K five-year-old class next year instead of moving up with his fellow four-year-olds. They said since he's cognitively ready for kindergarten or even beyond right now, that being amongst other kids that are on that mental level but that act a little more mature than his peers in class right now may sort of rub those behaviors off on him. I'm hesitant because it means he wouldn't be in class with his friends that's he's gotten to know over the past couple of years. But really we have to do what's best for him developmentally, socially and educationally. All of these things will be a factor, I suppose. This is the first year there have been friends with names he recognizes (instead of just "my friend" or "that kid") and looks forward to seeing everyday, so it's hard to make him move up to a class full of kids he doesn't know. Not that he won't make new friends, but... it's just hard as a parent to know what to do.
We're in the process, on the recommendation of the Educational Consultant, of getting an appointment with the Parenting and Behavior Clinic at the Division of Developmental Medicine at Vanderbilt so they can evaluate him and give us a course of action. I sort of don't want to make any decisions about his school until we go there and can see what they think will be best for him. Overall, I'm very excited to see what they have to say and what sort of things we might be able to do to help him settle into himself a little better. I will be particularly excited to hear suggestions about keeping him from treating people like jungle gyms and running around the house screaming at the top of his lungs like a maniac. Because almost all of the things I've done thus far are temporary patches at best.
So, those are my current parenting joys and challenges. And speaking of the kiddo, it's time to pick him up from school... early... because OMGMOARSNOW! *grumble*
What I heard was overwhelming praise for Jonah's cognitive abilities. He knows things that most four-year-olds don't know and has an enormous vocabulary. He's able to come to conclusions that most kids his age aren't able to. They used the word "gifted" several times.
As an example, to get the kids to sort of stop what they're doing and be still to hear the next direction, his teacher will often ask the kids "what's over your head right now?" Most of the kids look up confused as if there's something directly above their heads that they're not noticing. Jonah apparently always shouts out "a roof!" He's the only one.
An example from home: Sunday he was sitting eating lunch holding his left hand out like he had a smart phone in it then he would pretend to touch the imaginary screen with his right index finger. He started talking about his imaginary friend, Max (who has recently moved to South America) and how apparently they're building a Star Wars museum in South America where Max lives. I said something about how maybe we could go visit him some time and visit the Star Wars museum. He said, "it's only for imagination friends, not real people." He went on to say, while looking it up on his imaginary smart phone, that it was supposed to open on Friday, but they're going to have to close it because a storm was coming. Then he went on to ask how many miles it was to South America and how long it took to get there and what method of transportation someone might use to get there. To wihch I answered, "I don't know, a long time and most people fly." His teachers informed me that most kids wouldn't know that South America is a place (whether they've seen UP or not) or that you can go there and particularly wouldn't pay enough mind to ask specific questions about how far away it is and how long it might take to get there.
They're incredibly impressed with how bright he is and not only his knowledge base, but his methods of expanding that knowledge by asking increasingly detailed questions about the things that interest him. The child's inquisitiveness knows no bounds, really and I try to indulge it as much as possible; I try to find him answers to all his questions and make sure he understands those answers. I'm just as curious about things as he is in a lot of cases and often I want to know how something works or more about things I don't know when he asks. So we have fun looking things up together.
Sometimes the only way to explain it is to show him something in a book or on the computer. Like Monday as we were walking in the house from the conference, he said he heard an owl. I listened for a minute and heard that no, it was a mourning dove, not an owl. Of course he asked what a mourning dove was ("a bird) and what it looks like. So we walked straight in the house and I pulled one of the bird books off the shelf and found it for him to show him what it looked like. This of course spurred other questions about other birds he saw on the color plate next to the dove. That's pretty much how it goes with us. We continue on like that until he's exhausted his curiosity for the moment and then he moves onto something else.
I'm so glad I'm home with him. I would never be able to do this if I worked. His little mind is just a sponge! So long as he's in charge of the learning (i.e. he's satisfying a curiosity rather than me sitting him down and trying to teach him something), he really latches onto the information and even spits it back out later on. His retention and memory just astound me. He remembers small details about things he did as far back as two years ago. He was talking about his first birthday party yesterday and how there were lots of people there, "like pops" (which is where we had the party, at my dad's house). Or a couple of weeks ago he mentioned going to Philip's Toy Mart with his grandmother and her friend "that one time", which was a couple of years ago, at least.
So, this is why Things Jonah Says are so typically funny and sometimes outlandish. But they've become so drawn out into complex conversations, I'm not able to post much of them to Twitter anymore (for those of you who used to see them there and at Facebook). One of these days, I'll post a comprehensive list here to keep for posterity.
However, his gross motor skills (running, jumping, throwing, etc.) and social abilities (looking people in the eye, asking to play with other kids instead of just running up and throwing himself into their established play, respecting personal space) are behind for his age group. He has a very short attention span (even for a four-year-old) and a tendency towards hyperactivity. Now, the Educational Consultant assured me and gave me a long anti-alarmist spiel about how they don't even evaluate or diagnose ADD or ADHD at his age and they certainly don't medicate for it until well into kindergarten when it's proven that it affects their learning. But he did score very high in the category for behavioral tendencies that are the same as kids who are ADHD. She assured me that if we work with him now to sort of curb his impulsive nature and sort of rewire him that it's very likely it will not turn into ADD/ADHD and that he will likely never have to be medicated for it. I look at it sort of as someone who is hyperglycemic and their diet is altered to keep them from becoming diabetic. If we can work now to curb these behaviors and teach him to be less impulsive, then he can excell in these areas in which he currently has fallen behind.
Examples on this: if there's a group of kids playing, he might just run up in their little group and start grabbing toys and sort of force his way into their play. He climbs all over people (not in an aggressive way, but still, it is usually unpleasant) and has trouble keeping his hands to himself. His potty training issues stem from his inattentiveness; he gets too engrossed in play and has an accident. He trips over himself when he's running, falls a lot and is generally clumsy and awkward. Again, this is in comparison with his peers; no one expects a four-year-old to have perfect balance and be an expert gymnast or anything (except maybe Lugash on The Simspons). And anyone who has observed him for any length of time knows how generally high strung and loud he can be.
I find it a little ironic that two yeas ago, the parent/teacher conference went exactly the opposite: that he was well advanced in gross motor skills and such but behind in his speech and vocabulary and they were wanting to talk about speech therapists and such.
Even still, the meetings were both very positive. The only reason they're the least bit concerned about the hyperactivity and impulsivity is because they're worried that if it goes unchecked, it may begin to affect him adversely as he gets older and particularly as he starts kindergarten. They expect much more of kindergarteners in terms of behavior: being able to sit still, taking direction, keeping their hands to themselves, etc. These are all things he's currently struggling with, so it's all part of preparing him for "big boy school" as he calls it.
His teachers actually said that if we were okay with it, they'd like to recommend that he sort of skips a year and goes directly to the Pre-K five-year-old class next year instead of moving up with his fellow four-year-olds. They said since he's cognitively ready for kindergarten or even beyond right now, that being amongst other kids that are on that mental level but that act a little more mature than his peers in class right now may sort of rub those behaviors off on him. I'm hesitant because it means he wouldn't be in class with his friends that's he's gotten to know over the past couple of years. But really we have to do what's best for him developmentally, socially and educationally. All of these things will be a factor, I suppose. This is the first year there have been friends with names he recognizes (instead of just "my friend" or "that kid") and looks forward to seeing everyday, so it's hard to make him move up to a class full of kids he doesn't know. Not that he won't make new friends, but... it's just hard as a parent to know what to do.
We're in the process, on the recommendation of the Educational Consultant, of getting an appointment with the Parenting and Behavior Clinic at the Division of Developmental Medicine at Vanderbilt so they can evaluate him and give us a course of action. I sort of don't want to make any decisions about his school until we go there and can see what they think will be best for him. Overall, I'm very excited to see what they have to say and what sort of things we might be able to do to help him settle into himself a little better. I will be particularly excited to hear suggestions about keeping him from treating people like jungle gyms and running around the house screaming at the top of his lungs like a maniac. Because almost all of the things I've done thus far are temporary patches at best.
So, those are my current parenting joys and challenges. And speaking of the kiddo, it's time to pick him up from school... early... because OMGMOARSNOW! *grumble*
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:-)
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I feel really good about the fact that they're this attentive at the school and that we can address these things. I know so many preschools that are just daycares and don't do these sorts of things. I feel really fortunate to be where we are.
I thought about the possibility that he might only be able to excel in one area at a time, particularly since every year it seems to be a different area. Next year they might tell me he's behind in something else and is advancing rapidly in social development.
I'm just excited to find ways we can settle him down. The hours between 4pm-6pm in our house are utter chaos. If I can divert him from that, we'll all be a lot happier.
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Continue to cherish every moment. I am so proud of you for that. (I can already guess the email I'm going to get about my comments here. he!) Give that little big boy a huge hug from the tickle monster and tell him that I love him so very much! I love you too, btw!
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And yes, I could totally tell Jonah was a sponge when we met him! :)
I know you aren't looking for opinions.... but can I give mine anyways? I think putting Jonah in the advanced class is a wonderful idea - Being around the other children will probably help socialize him/calm him down a bit the way you & his teacher think it will. Plus, if mentally he's ahead of his current peer group... At anyrate, I know you don't want to change his friends, but perhaps doing this early on will help him embrace change as he gets older, and not be afraid of it as many kids can grow to be? I moved a lot as a child and it's helped me as an adult be ok with my constant moves - whereas my younger brother moved in with my mom when he was younger, had a set of friends and latched onto them & even now as an adult refuses to leave northern Utah because he can't bear to leave his friends... mind you, he has a shitty job, lives in a terrible situation & his friends don't care about him nearly as much as he cares about them. He has several good job opportunities outside of Utah, but fears change massively (it's kind of sad actually) & doesn't deal well with change AT ALL.
So yeah, I think it's important to introduce children to change early on, and show it in a positive light (ie, how neat that you will get to make NEW friends, and still have your old friends).
But then I'm not a parent (heh, hinda), so really these are just my observations of my own childhood, and that of my 4 other siblings.
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Many boys are simply not ready for school when the calendar says they are, regardless of cognitive development. And for many, being forced to sit down and shut up turns off the creativity and the thirst to know more. What teacher will stop a class to answer his many questions? Some will, for a time. But as much as he needs right now? Only you, at home.
I admit I am biased towards homeschooling, so if you think I'm out of line, that's fine. But it is a sad thing to see an inquisitive and active mind be put into the straightjacket of public/private/group education so he will be like everyone else, when he can soar on his own, with your loving guidance.
BTW, don't worry about the mental/physical balance. He's growing, and things grow in spurts, but not all at the same time. ;-)
OK, I'll shut up. I can get tiresome on this subject, I know. ;-)
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Before, I've sort of put homeschooling out of the realm of possibility because I didn't have confidence in my ability to teach him certain things. English, history, even science I can handle no problem. But when it comes to math, I would not be able to take him much past arithmetic on my own. But I suppose there are probably specialized centers I could take him to for help with that when it comes.
I've even got some neighbors who have homeschooled three kids (all of which are either done or almost done with it) that I can talk to about it. I even homeschooled my senior year because of lot of the same sort of problems he's probably going to run into (grades weren't good enough to skip ahead or take advanced classes because I felt too bored to try in class and a vicious cycle ensued). I finished 80% my senior year requirements by December.
The one thing I would still be concerned about would be the socialization aspects. The center I went to for homeschooling had some 15 and 16-year-olds that were finishing up their senior year and they were seriously deficient in social skills and I couldn't imagine the possibility of them going to their freshman year of college after that! But I suppose there are ways around that as well, we'll just have to work extra hard to make sure he gets everything he needs to be well rounded. They've already mentioned that a lot of the qualities he's exhibiting are because he spends so much time around adults and not as much around other kids.
Definitely something to ponder and again, I thank you for chiming in with your two cents! You brought a whole new aspect to it that might have been overlooked.
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• Do not worry about whether you can teach him everything, because you don't have to. The curriculum that's out there now is outstanding, much of it very helpful and step-by-step for both parent and child. The stuff I used 15 years ago (yikes) was excellent, and that was before homeschooling was as much the rage as it is now.
• The main concern early on is teaching him how to read, and how to do basic math. Everything else is extracurricular. Don't need history, don't need science, don't need anything else. Just lots of trips to the library to check out whatever books he might be interested in at the moment, and field trips to as many places as you can find, either on your own, or with a homeschool support group. Once kids are 11 or 12, then you can start with formal science and stuff. After all, most everything that is taught in elementary school is repeated once kids get in junior high, so why bother? ;-)
• I did some quick googling of homeschooling in TN, and it looks like you don't even HAVE to send him to school until he's 7. There are reporting rules, but that info is best received from local homeschool groups. I would imagine your hometown has a huge homeschool population, with lots of groups of all kinds to choose from...
• Support groups can be all kinds of things. I've been in groups that organized field trips twice a month, started up a small band for beginning players, held weekly sporting/phys ed events, taught art classes, put on musicals, provided testing days, organized physics and chemistry labs - and that's in small towns. Larger cities have sports teams, orchestras, debate teams, you name it. And of course the opportunity to make new friends and work and play with others...
• Socialization is a non-issue. The point of "socialization" is to be able to function in an adult world. Who is better able to raise a child to do that? A parent, or a room full of 6-year-olds? ;-) Or as a homeschool guru I know once said about those who had concerns about homeschool kids not being able to function in "The Real World" -- "I'll tell you what The Real World is NOT - The Real World is not doing the same thing at the same time in the same room with the same teacher JUST because you were born the same year as the rest of the kids in the room." Or something to that effect. ;-)
• The high school years can be largely self-taught. Again, there are excellent programs and texts out there to facilitate that - I can recommend math, science, and Latin programs that are fantastic. [In fact, the biology and chemistry courses were so good that the girls never needed or wanted my help, which broke my little pharmacist heart ;-) ] By that age your job would be merely selecting materials, grading tests, and providing "encouragement." And chauffeuring. Lots of chauffeuring... LOL
OK, that's enough for now... Remember, no decision has to be made right away about any of this... Jonah's got plenty of time. ;-)