Time for a Jonah-centric post.
Feb. 24th, 2010 04:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mellymellI never did get around to posting a Jonah year in review around his third birthday as I had hoped to do every year. But, there are some things I wanted to think out in writing recently, so I'm going to touch on at least some of that.
Let me start by saying that I absolutely love that he's so energetic and independent and plays so well by himself. Today, I heard him stir a full hour before he bothered to open his bedroom door and greet me. I was just down the stairs from him and could hear him playing in his room with his trains. We haven't once turned on the television today and he's not once asked for cartoons (which is great, because we usually don't get through breakfast without him asking). We've read books about animal tracking and even a page or two of The Lightning Thief (just because he was interested right before lunch). Seriously, I can just sort of wind this kid up and he just goes and rarely does he want or need much interaction from me (unless it's extremely obvious that I'm inaccessible, like the brief time I was on the phone with Steffany and my mother-in-law today).
I also love that he's so flexible. He eats when he says, "I'm hungry again" (and even first thing in the morning, it's, "again"). He sleeps when he's tired (as in when he starts crying at the mention of a nap or when he's just ready to collapse at night). I don't force him to nap. It's just miserable for all involved anyway. I have always, even from infancy, let him set his schedule and we've just worked around it. Some kids respond well to a set routine and even he has his little things that we must abide (like always a story before bed and until recently, he wouldn't let Chris put him to bed because I had always done it). But he's done so well at being able to set his own pace.
However, because he's so easygoing, I'm afraid I've taken advantage of that. I don't spend consistent time working with him on learning new things or reinforcing what he already knows everyday. I mean, we have our play time and I try to integrate some counting or letters or something educational into that. But, I feel like it's all chaotic and unstructured and that maybe I need to have a plan so that I can diversify what we do everyday. I think it's especially important right now when it's too cold to spend much time playing outside. Even sitting down and doing some things together runs a little extra energy out of him that he'd normally expel at perhaps a higher volume in a less appropriate way.
I mean, I'm a stay-at-home-mom and this is exactly why I wanted to stay home: to do these sorts of things with him. But I've fallen into a habit of using his independence as an excuse to do things for myself rather than working with him even if he doesn't appear to need it. I mean, he's a perfectly happy kid. I know he doesn't feel the least bit deprived of attention. He seems very confidant and secure. But I think there are some areas in which he's behind developmentally because I'm not consistent in how I work with him. Numbers and letters have been coming to him like magic after a long time of trying to work with him (although, again, inconsistently). He picked up his right and left almost instantly.
However, some speech people from Vandy were at his school doing kind of group evaluations a couple of weeks ago. The director of the school told me they noted him as being behind the other boys in his class. She mentioned they suggested a hearing test to rule that out first and specifically mentioned being concerned about how much he drools. Other than that, had no information to go on without a one-on-one evaluation. So it could be any number of things, really. I have no idea if it's a physical thing or a vocabulary thing or a speech impediment thing. I've talked at length with Chris' mom about it, since she's a retired speech therapist. She didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with his speech, aside from perhaps sticking his tongue forward and past his teeth on "s" sounds when he should be pressing it to the back of his upper teeth (and this causes kind of a lisp sound). This would make sense because the same action was why we had breastfeeding issues. Once we get an idea of what the issue is, we'll know how to work it out. But, I'm still left wondering and feeling a little like it might be my fault, especially if it's a vocabulary thing (which I kind of doubt).
We talked to his doctor about it last week when he had his checkup. She didn't seem concerned, but she ordered a hearing test. He couldn't hear anything (or at least didn't respond to anything) out of the right ear. But she also noted that he had fluid on that ear (leftover from the cold he had the week before) and had expected him to do poorly. She wasn't concerned about the drooling at all and noted that he wasn't a mouth breather, but it was more like when he really started talking and got too fast to shut his mouth. I think therein also lies the problem to others trying to understand him. He runs words together because he tries to spit them out so fast. Maybe we talk to fast to him or maybe he's just a fast paced kind of kid, I don't know. She also didn't seem to think he was behind in speech development, but she admitted that only seeing him for a few minutes wouldn't give her a great scope of what his speech was really like. She was certainly not concerned with how much he talks (and I don't think any of us are, good lord!).
The other area of concern is that ever elusive potty training. Every morning when he wakes, I try to encourage him to try the potty before I do a diaper change. He outright protests and everything I've read on the subject has said not to push too much in such instances and that they'll come around. But I'm starting to feel like to hell with all that. I need to get this kid out of diapers by the time he starts school next fall! He's got absolutely no interest in potty training, even though we had a small victory a couple of weeks ago where he finally peed a little in the potty, for which we were all three excited. He said today he just wanted to stay in diapers. I'm afraid my lack of proactive work with him as soon as we got the potty last spring has set him back and now he's settled into a mindset about it. I have just acquired lots of new books, but I'm going to set them all aside for now to read all I can on the subject and try to get this moving. If I have to practically force him to sit on the potty every 30 minutes until he understands and accepts that this is how things are done, I'll do that. I'm to the "whatever it takes" stage.
I decided last night while thinking about all this that I'm going to try to structure our days a little more and see how he responds. I might talk to his preschool teachers about how exactly his day is structured there (aside from lunch and nap times which I already know). I might try to mirror that at home, at least on the weekdays and see how that works for us. It can't possibly hurt.
I realize this post was mostly about the things going "wrong" (of which there are really only two issues at the moment). But there are so many things going great as well. I can't really get into all that since I've gone on far too long already. I just want to make sure this isn't seen as a "man this all sucks" post, since I've put out a lot of those lately. I am feeling pretty guilty about both of the issues, though. I feel like they're probably things we could have worked on if I was more attentive to them earlier. I mean, we did the sign language and all and he was great with that, but somewhere between there and here, we've sort of lost something. I've only got two more years before he heads to kindergarten, and then I'll have that time to do the stuff I'm trying to selfishly squeeze in right now. Right now should be for him.
Let me start by saying that I absolutely love that he's so energetic and independent and plays so well by himself. Today, I heard him stir a full hour before he bothered to open his bedroom door and greet me. I was just down the stairs from him and could hear him playing in his room with his trains. We haven't once turned on the television today and he's not once asked for cartoons (which is great, because we usually don't get through breakfast without him asking). We've read books about animal tracking and even a page or two of The Lightning Thief (just because he was interested right before lunch). Seriously, I can just sort of wind this kid up and he just goes and rarely does he want or need much interaction from me (unless it's extremely obvious that I'm inaccessible, like the brief time I was on the phone with Steffany and my mother-in-law today).
I also love that he's so flexible. He eats when he says, "I'm hungry again" (and even first thing in the morning, it's, "again"). He sleeps when he's tired (as in when he starts crying at the mention of a nap or when he's just ready to collapse at night). I don't force him to nap. It's just miserable for all involved anyway. I have always, even from infancy, let him set his schedule and we've just worked around it. Some kids respond well to a set routine and even he has his little things that we must abide (like always a story before bed and until recently, he wouldn't let Chris put him to bed because I had always done it). But he's done so well at being able to set his own pace.
However, because he's so easygoing, I'm afraid I've taken advantage of that. I don't spend consistent time working with him on learning new things or reinforcing what he already knows everyday. I mean, we have our play time and I try to integrate some counting or letters or something educational into that. But, I feel like it's all chaotic and unstructured and that maybe I need to have a plan so that I can diversify what we do everyday. I think it's especially important right now when it's too cold to spend much time playing outside. Even sitting down and doing some things together runs a little extra energy out of him that he'd normally expel at perhaps a higher volume in a less appropriate way.
I mean, I'm a stay-at-home-mom and this is exactly why I wanted to stay home: to do these sorts of things with him. But I've fallen into a habit of using his independence as an excuse to do things for myself rather than working with him even if he doesn't appear to need it. I mean, he's a perfectly happy kid. I know he doesn't feel the least bit deprived of attention. He seems very confidant and secure. But I think there are some areas in which he's behind developmentally because I'm not consistent in how I work with him. Numbers and letters have been coming to him like magic after a long time of trying to work with him (although, again, inconsistently). He picked up his right and left almost instantly.
However, some speech people from Vandy were at his school doing kind of group evaluations a couple of weeks ago. The director of the school told me they noted him as being behind the other boys in his class. She mentioned they suggested a hearing test to rule that out first and specifically mentioned being concerned about how much he drools. Other than that, had no information to go on without a one-on-one evaluation. So it could be any number of things, really. I have no idea if it's a physical thing or a vocabulary thing or a speech impediment thing. I've talked at length with Chris' mom about it, since she's a retired speech therapist. She didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with his speech, aside from perhaps sticking his tongue forward and past his teeth on "s" sounds when he should be pressing it to the back of his upper teeth (and this causes kind of a lisp sound). This would make sense because the same action was why we had breastfeeding issues. Once we get an idea of what the issue is, we'll know how to work it out. But, I'm still left wondering and feeling a little like it might be my fault, especially if it's a vocabulary thing (which I kind of doubt).
We talked to his doctor about it last week when he had his checkup. She didn't seem concerned, but she ordered a hearing test. He couldn't hear anything (or at least didn't respond to anything) out of the right ear. But she also noted that he had fluid on that ear (leftover from the cold he had the week before) and had expected him to do poorly. She wasn't concerned about the drooling at all and noted that he wasn't a mouth breather, but it was more like when he really started talking and got too fast to shut his mouth. I think therein also lies the problem to others trying to understand him. He runs words together because he tries to spit them out so fast. Maybe we talk to fast to him or maybe he's just a fast paced kind of kid, I don't know. She also didn't seem to think he was behind in speech development, but she admitted that only seeing him for a few minutes wouldn't give her a great scope of what his speech was really like. She was certainly not concerned with how much he talks (and I don't think any of us are, good lord!).
The other area of concern is that ever elusive potty training. Every morning when he wakes, I try to encourage him to try the potty before I do a diaper change. He outright protests and everything I've read on the subject has said not to push too much in such instances and that they'll come around. But I'm starting to feel like to hell with all that. I need to get this kid out of diapers by the time he starts school next fall! He's got absolutely no interest in potty training, even though we had a small victory a couple of weeks ago where he finally peed a little in the potty, for which we were all three excited. He said today he just wanted to stay in diapers. I'm afraid my lack of proactive work with him as soon as we got the potty last spring has set him back and now he's settled into a mindset about it. I have just acquired lots of new books, but I'm going to set them all aside for now to read all I can on the subject and try to get this moving. If I have to practically force him to sit on the potty every 30 minutes until he understands and accepts that this is how things are done, I'll do that. I'm to the "whatever it takes" stage.
I decided last night while thinking about all this that I'm going to try to structure our days a little more and see how he responds. I might talk to his preschool teachers about how exactly his day is structured there (aside from lunch and nap times which I already know). I might try to mirror that at home, at least on the weekdays and see how that works for us. It can't possibly hurt.
I realize this post was mostly about the things going "wrong" (of which there are really only two issues at the moment). But there are so many things going great as well. I can't really get into all that since I've gone on far too long already. I just want to make sure this isn't seen as a "man this all sucks" post, since I've put out a lot of those lately. I am feeling pretty guilty about both of the issues, though. I feel like they're probably things we could have worked on if I was more attentive to them earlier. I mean, we did the sign language and all and he was great with that, but somewhere between there and here, we've sort of lost something. I've only got two more years before he heads to kindergarten, and then I'll have that time to do the stuff I'm trying to selfishly squeeze in right now. Right now should be for him.
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no subject
on 2010-02-24 10:42 pm (UTC)And potty training + boys = heartbreak. You'll be lucky to have him trained by high school, or maybe kindergarten. ^_~
Many of my friends with boys all say the same thing. It comes really really late. I was dating a fella with a young boy and the little one took til 6 years old before he had it all working correctly. So don't feel too badly about it, from what I understand, that is just how it goes with boys sometimes.
no subject
on 2010-02-25 01:06 am (UTC)I've heard this and witnessed it and was prepared for it. But, he can't move up to the next class until he's potty trained. So it's frustrating when I feel like I'm staring down a deadline. One of my nephews didn't potty train in time for the same sort of transition. For him it was a conscious decision to work on it after seeing all his friends move up. He actually told my sister-in-law "mommy, I'm just going to have to get my act together" one day, and that was that. It's something we'll just have deal with if it happens, but I'm trying to avoid it if possible. I feel like I watched a window of opportunity pass by when he was excited about the new potty and probably at a more malleable time in his toddlerhood. That's really the most frustrating part and the part I'm blaming myself for. I thought we'd try to ease him in and I should have gone at it like gangbusters right then.
no subject
on 2010-02-25 01:12 am (UTC)Good luck!
no subject
on 2010-02-25 01:18 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-02-25 01:58 am (UTC)Best of luck withe everything - I think it's great that he's able to entertain himself. I think that is a really important thing. There are so many people who can't or don't. They're bored all the time, they have no hobbies, they don't know how to be alone. I was an only child and I always played by myself and I think that's done well for me as an adult. I don't have to be entertained all the time. I certainly don't think they're neglecting him, and though I know it's hard to not feel guilty, developing yourself and not becoming one of those people who totally give up their sense of self for their kids, is actually a good example for him.
no subject
on 2010-02-25 01:29 pm (UTC)Marge: "And even then he could only speak German!"
I felt better after the doctor mentioned one of her sons did speech therapy for a little while as well. She said if nothing else it was just good learning time for him. I mean, Jonah talks and talks, even if there's no one around to hear him. But he does run things together so that it's hard, even for me, to understand some of it. He still babbles some too and I thought that would be over by now. I think part of what's set him back is that I do mostly understand what he's trying to say and instead of correcting him, I just respond appropriately. She wanted to test him again later to see if his hearing improved once his congestion cleared up. Also, the place we're going to do the evaluation will probably do a more in depth test. I feel good that we're proactive about it early on, but it's one of the first bumps we've hit so it's a little disheartening at first.
There's really a fine balance. It is very important for them to learn early on that the world does not revolve around them and their needs. But at the same time, you want to make sure they feel they're getting enough attention and interaction. Especially with an only child where his parents are pretty much his only interaction, apart from the 12 hours a week he spends at preschool. I guess I see these mothers who do completely put their lives on hold for their kids and I start to feel a little selfish that I haven't done the same. I mean, they're only around for so long and they're only this age once. It's just easy to always worry you're doing things wrong as a parent.
Thanks for the perspective!
no subject
on 2010-02-25 03:30 pm (UTC)What I will say is you seem to be going about things the way my mother did with me... which was fabulous. I think you are being an excellent mother. As for the potty training, trust me, if he goes to school with pull-ups, he'll quickly see the other kids don't and train himself!
no subject
on 2010-02-25 04:47 pm (UTC)The very first day of school this year, he went to the potty at school because some of the other boys did. A couple of weeks ago, I also got a report that he at least sat on the potty. But there's only intermittent interest, if that. It's definitely going to be tough, but I just wonder if it might have been easier if we started earlier. Oh well, we've just got to deal with what's at hand. Looking backwards doesn't help anything, really.
no subject
on 2010-02-25 05:31 pm (UTC)Put a bib on him and don't put a diaper on him... Just kidding on both parts. He'll be out of diapers and no longer needing you soon enough. Enjoy it while you can. I know this is coming from someone that doesn't have kids and have to change diapers all the time. My mom keeps telling me that once a kid is on solid foods, it gets nasty.... It'll all work out and you'll soon forget about these little problems.
Love you!
no subject
on 2010-03-03 07:37 pm (UTC)Thanks for the perspective, even from far away, it's much appreciated. :)
It's been fun catching up with Holly. She's gotten quite prolific on Facebook.
Working my way through the potty training book again. Hopefully we find something that works. I know he won't be in diapers forever, but now is the time. The longer you wait, the hard it gets and I have a feeling that's one of the reasons he's tough to get on board now.
Oh, and it's nasty no matter what food they eat, IMO. At this point, unless there's something that irritates him so that there's diaper rash, I'm so desensitized to the contents of a diaper I don't even think about it anymore.
Love you too!